I heard we made out
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
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i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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