just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
