They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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