Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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