don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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