you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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