how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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