I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
