Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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