you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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