I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize