how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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