i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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