FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
