and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
