I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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