I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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