Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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