She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
