hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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