So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
