Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
