Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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