some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
