Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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