just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
