I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
