First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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