What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
