My friends, they love my intelligence
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
