I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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