I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
