Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
