"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
