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Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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