I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am one with the molecules
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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