woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
