i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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