maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!