There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises