HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.