my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.