We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome