Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging