More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
