I've blown a few things in my day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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