He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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