You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
