No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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