just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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