so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
