Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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