You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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