pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize