is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
