Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
